The Govanhill based photographer’s latest series documents “the hidden half of parenthood”.

Words by Mikey Jarrell and images by Eoin Carey.

A couple of years ago, when I was about to become a dad, I thought a lot about how my life would change, and wondered about what sort of father I would be. Like many of us, I had some ideas about what a modern father is and does – ideas that are not always stereotypes but are often not far off. We might know some dads, and so get glimpses of real life fatherhood. But until we become parents ourselves, we rarely see those real, messy, tired, joyful moments that happen behind closed doors.

A project by photographer Eoin Carey takes a look through the keyhole to reveal this hidden world of shared intimacy between dads and their children.

The collection of photos, named simply Father, is the first phase of an ongoing project that Eoin hopes will change perceptions of dads, but perhaps even more importantly, might help other men to begin to open up.

“My hope is that dads will see a little bit of themselves in the pictures. It could even provide an opportunity for them to talk”, says Eoin. The forthcoming print publication of this first collection of images also includes firsthand accounts of fatherhood in their own words, from conversations following the shoots, which he hopes will inspire other dads.

“Perhaps because of the routine hardships of parenthood, people don’t often open up about the real significance, or the emotional side of it. I think men even less so. Times have changed, and you can see more dads out and about with very young kids. But five years ago I was often the only dad at the playgroup. I would speak to mums who can speak with some level of emotional depth about their experiences, but I just wasn’t getting that back from the men. Even with my pals that have kids, that I know well, I still find a friction to connecting in that kind of way. And so my mind was blown and I was delighted to hear these words from the dads that I photographed.”

We need more such opportunities to share our experiences. As a new father experiencing the pressures of parenthood in a pandemic, I found that support networks were usually dominated by mums. Eoin says that this isn’t surprising: “There’s all this nuance and ritual behind motherhood. It’s an almost spiritual biological process, whereas for men it’s a very sudden transition. You’re at the hospital gates with nothing more than an ‘off you go’. So maybe, after that start, we shy away from talking about it.” This individual reluctance to talk and participate can sometimes cause us dads to exclude ourselves from parenting networks and support.

Despite these challenges, dads are tirelessly parenting behind closed doors with tenderness and vulnerability. “Fatherhood allows us to feel things that we’re almost not allowed to feel – playful, silly, in love, and quite openly so”, says Eoin. These emotions are instantly recognisable in his images, framing iconic, relatable scenes like the ever-present plate of fish fingers, and no shortage of tears.

To be invited inside to document these feelings is quite a responsibility, and Eoin chose to do so partly because it’s so difficult for dads to do so themselves. “As beautiful or tragic or chaotic as the images might look, it’s an impossibility to record that emotion yourself when you’re in the thick of it. You literally don’t have a spare hand, or even a spare brain cell.” As my 19 month old daughter enthusiastically hammers the laptop keyboard while I’m speaking to Eoin on Zoom, I can relate.

Photography can also freeze time during a turbulent period of life when nothing ever stays the same. I remember the relief as I started to feel competent with a three week old baby, only to be surprised that I knew nothing at all about a four week old baby. Eoin’s experience with his subjects was similar: “Looking back at the images when it’s been months since, their life was completely different. The person in the photos wasn’t there any more, it was a totally different child. And so I think seeing the pictures has allowed them to get some objective distance on their own lives, and to see the kind of parents that they were, and that they are.”

If any of this resonates with you, however you define yourself as a father, Eoin would like you to get in touch, as the second phase of the project is in the pipeline. He’s looking for a broad spectrum of dads to come forward and get involved.
Contact details are on his website, www.eoincareyphoto.com, along with information on the print publication of the first collection.

This series was first published as part of Issue 5 of Greater Govanhill Magazine. To buy yourself a copy, click the link at the top of this article.