Dealing with the shame: Growing up in a South Asian household affected by gambling harms
“Within South Asian culture, gambling has always been a taboo subject. If you are from a Muslim family it's even more unheard of. Just as with alcohol and drugs, it is prohibited in the Qur’an…The taboo of gambling within South Asian culture has meant my family still can’t get the support they need.”
Neon sign which reads ‘Change’ illuminates the inside of a bookmakers
By Aisha | Photo by John Bowden
Within South Asian culture, gambling has always been a taboo subject. If you are from a Muslim family it's even more unheard of. Just as with alcohol and drugs, it is prohibited in the Qur’an.
From as young as five years old, I remember how gambling affected me. On our first family holiday, in 2005, we drove down to Blackpool for a two night break. We were excited by the seaside, bright lights and rides.
The holiday however began with disappointment. As we queued up to get into the swim park, my dad disappeared. He didn’t return for three hours. By that point my sisters and I were in tears, my mum didn’t have a phone and we didn’t know where he’d been. It set the tone for the rest of the trip.
Beyond that holiday, family time was further impacted by gambling. My dad would offer to take us ice skating, but really he would be eager to drop us off and head off to the nearest bookies – often forgetting to pick us back up after the session finished.
Eid celebrations would involve my dad booking us cinema tickets, and showing us into the theatre, for him to then sit in the car and gamble while we would wait for him to return. When going for ice cream, he would leave us in the car and go to Ginesi’s on Victoria Road. But just before that, there was always a quick stop at Coral bookies opposite. Those places became so linked in my mind, that I remember asking him to get an ice cream another time when he visited a different Coral shop. I was eight.
My dad’s gambling started impacting our education. The family laptop, one day became corrupted, with Betfair frozen to the screen. My sister who had upcoming exams at the time, cried to my mother, confused at why it wasn’t working. The laptop got smashed to pieces in anger. My sister had to start staying late at school to use the computers there.
I've always known that my dad’s gambling habit was there, but it seemed to be more obvious when it was followed by a large loss. It was like we could celebrate the win, but we all really felt the loss. It not only impacted my sisters and I, but really affected my mother. She would stop engaging with us for days.
I remember growing up, with money and nice clothes, and sometimes a sudden dark cloud was over us. My mum wouldn't leave her room and my dad was out of work – applying for jobs such as delivery driving. We’d go from being well off to dealing with harder times. It was always from one extreme to another and was never consistent.
The taboo of gambling within South Asian culture has meant my family still can’t get the support they need. Anytime I have suggested to my mum to get some gambling counselling, it is shot down due to worries around stigma and shame. Even nearly 20 years on, from when I remember this being an issue within my family, it is still there. As for my dad, I think the taboo affects him too. It’s like it's easier to just continue than accept it or seek support.
There's plenty of other instances I could recall of gambling taking over our lives, but some are too painful to share. If there's one thing I would ask you as a reader to take away from this, it would be that anyone can be impacted by gambling, but it isn't always as straightforward as a win or loss. It involves family, relationships, work, social life and education.
*names have been changed